Learning to set and follow boundaries can be difficult when you’ve always been a go with the flow type of person. Being laid back does not have to mean lay down and let others walk all over you. Instead, it’s about balance, knowing when to lean forward and stand up for yourself.

It has taken me into my 30s to be confident enough to set and keep boundaries. Healthy communication and being open to conflict when needed has decreased the anxiety that comes before and after conflict. More importantly, it’s been about prioritizing my peace as keeping the peace for all is exhausting. I had to learn to also be there for myself.

For me to be able to be there for others, my social battery must be charged. Being anxious and conflict avoidant made it tough to ever have a full social battery. I always felt that helping others was charging that battery. Unfortunately, it was slowly draining the battery. It had also caused others to use and manipulate me knowing that I was willing to help and would feel bad if I didn’t. Those individuals had no regard for my feelings. I was losing myself, my focus, and my goals in life because what I was doing for them was not of benefit to me. I’ve learned my social battery is charged through taking care of myself and putting myself first. Being there for others is still important to me and makes me feel good. I must remember it’s okay for me to say no to something that I feel is not right for me in that moment. I repeat, it’s okay for me to say no to something that I feel is not right for me in that moment. Again, it’s about prioritizing my peace so that I can continue to show up for others.

Getting to where I am at today has taken a lot of hard work. I have become more mindful of my actions and my words. I have learned to accept that I cannot control others. I can only control myself. What someone does after I set a boundary, is not on me. I repeat, what someone does after I set a boundary, is not on me. That right there is prioritized peace.

On The Rocks, Valerie